Can't move on
by TheFaultInKlainesStars
Summary: Read the warnings. Please. There is self harm. Please. For the sake of your mental heath. Turn back if it's gonna trigger.


**Okay new Niff.  
It's mainly just a release on all my feelings that I have pent up, Nothing other than that really.  
A few trigger warnings; Major Character Deaths. Yes, Deaths. With an s.**

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Nick sighed tapping his fingers on his desk. He growled when Wes tapped him upside the head. "Will you STOP?" He snapped in a whisper. "You're being annoying!" Wes snapped back. "For fuck sake Wes I don't give a damn! I hate exam days! I always finish early." Nick growled. "Text some one god damn Nick!" Wes snapped back. Nick sighed and thought for a moment. He wondered if Jeff was done. He smiled at the mere mention of Jeff's name. The tall blond dancer had been his best friend since they met freshman year. Everyone had gotten a shock two years later when they came in to see Jeff laughing in Nicks lap, Nicks arms around his waist. He pulled out his phone and tapped out his message. He smiled and sent it he was sure that he'd put a smile on Jeffs face.

Jeff jumped and set down his pencil halfway through with his exam essay. He hated exams. These especially because these were sorting the Warblers into Advanced senior classes. He pulled out his vibrating phone and unlocked it tracing the 'N' pattern he'd set. He smiled like an idiot at the text message. _Hey gorgeous I love you thought of you the whole test let's hope we get those classes! Did I mention iloveyou xoxo Nick _Jeff grinned like an idiot through his whole reply. _**Hey handsome. I love you too. My essay topic is the person that means the most to you. I'm writing about you keeping in mind I cant write that we got together because of the do's and don't's of essays. yes you did iloveyoutoo xoxo Jeff **_He sent the reply and waited.

Nick sat up when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled out his phone and grinned like an idiot. Jeff always knew what to say. Before he got a chance to tap out his reply time was up and he stood up and made to leave only to be stopped by the teacher. "Nick I was looking over your essay on why Jeff Sterling means the most to you and one line caught my attention. '_With out Jeff I probably wouldn't be alive._' I-Is something going on at home?" Nick swallowed thickly tears welling up. "There was..J-Jeff and I grew up together. We went to school r-right at the end of 5th grade year I was put in a foster home and J-Jeff and I did our best to stay in contact, my parents had been abusing me and one night,the night I was stripped from my home, I couldn't remember anything. Jeff helped me remember who he was and who I was but he refused to tell me my original last name, Halon and Told me I went by my foster parents last name Duval. I eventually got adopted by the Duval's, but with out Jeff I wouldn't be alive, cause about two years later my original parents contacted me, they were clean, but I fell depressed because they didn't like the fact I was gay. So that night I cut myself and Jeff came in and found me. So with out Jeff. I wouldn't be alive."

Nick exited quickly and ran back to his dorm holding back choking sobs. He thew his bag down and ran into the bathroom. His anxiety was taking over and he couldn't breath. Nick became light headed and fell to the floor. Jeff walked in, spotting Nick he panicked and laid Nick on his bed. Nick woke sometime later and sat up. He curled into a ball and looked up when his lover gathered him into a ball. He sobbed through out the night, Neither Nick nor Jeff went to class the next day. Nick sat against the wall, wrapped in a blanket. "I'm sorry.." He said. Jeff turned and looked at him. "Why? You didn't do anything wrong." He said. "For making you miss class, you could have gone, I would have been fine, Jeff." Nick said. Jeff raised a brow. Nick kept his gaze down, but Jeff knew what his eyes were filling with, pain, regret, tears. Tears, that's what hurt Jeff the most, Nick crying. Nick was supposed to be the strong one and Jeff the one who cried right? Maybe some times it was good to reverse roles. Nick had been a troubled child since he turned 5. So, maybe, just maybe it was okay for Nick to cry.

That night, Nick was sleeping, but Jeff just couldn't shut his brain up. He sat up and looked at Nick. Why was it so hard to be the boyfriend of someone so troubled? Jeff knew it was in his head, but god damn was it getting harder. He didn't even know how many times he'd thought about breaking up with Nick, but what sick bastard broke up with someone already so troubled? He sighed and stood up. Maybe a break up was the best right now. '_Stop it Jeff, don't kill Nick. He's been through enough shit._' Jeff thought, sitting down at his laptop. He sighed and logged into the Dalton chat room, just to see who was up and being stupid.

-TWO DAYS LATER-

Nick had pretty much recovered from his anxiety attack, but sometimes he felt like he could have an attack at any moment. He ran a hand down his face as he got ready. He finished getting ready and went to class, he sat down in the back and began to take the notes on the board before anyone else. He looked up at Blaine when he stopped in front of him. "What?" He asked. "You feeling okay?" Blaine asked. "I don't know anymore." Nick sighed. Blaine nodded and went to sit down. Nick shifted in his seat and pulled out a piece of paper and began to write a good bye to Jeff. He had a plan, and he was going to follow through.

Nick skipped out on the rest of his classes and went to his dorm, sitting down at his desk, knowing Jeff wouldn't be in for a good long while. He finished his goodbye.

_'Jeff, I know that this isn't how you wanted to say goodbye, but the truth is, this is what's best for me, I feel like I just can't fight anymore, everyone's overly concerned for a small matter, I feel smothered, the truth is My love, I'm dying I have been for a long time, I just didn't ever tell anyone. I've been getting thinner and no ones noticed, except maybe a few people. I have Leukemia, and it's taking it's toll, Jeff, I never wanted to make you worry. I'm sorry my love, please don't cry when you find me. It's what I feel like is best. I love you, I love you, I love you. Don't cry for me my love, xx Nick.' _

Nick folded up the paper and put 'Jeff' on the front of it and set it on his pillow after standing, he went into the bathroom and sat down on the floor, pressing on his wrist to pinpoint where he could cut and end his pain. He found the point and made marks on both arms with the sharpie he had on the floor next to him. He set the sharpie down and slapped his wrists until they were numb and made the cut, with in 15 minutes, blacked out and was gone.

Jeff came in almost an hour after Nick committed suicide. "Nick?" He called, brow furrowing, by now he knew Nick was probably already showering but the water wasn't running, he saw the bathroom door shut and the note on his pillow and he paled in the face. He picked up the note, read it, and ran to the bathroom, kicking the door open and backing away. Nick was laying in a pool of his own blood. He felt his stomach flip and he felt like he was going to get sick. He called 911, but knew it was no use.

Nicholas Michael Duval was buried the that Friday. Jeff gave the only speech that day because everyone was too grief stricken to bother with it. Jeff sighed and began speak. "Nick was...the best friend someone could have, he was bright, made people laugh. But no one, not even myself could see the underlying pain he had. And I guess this is the best way for him to go out, I just don't know what to say." He said, wiping his eyes. "So yeah. Nick.." He added. "We'll miss you buddy." He said.

Two weeks later, Riker Jeffery Michael Anthony Sterling took his life.

Sometimes, moving on...just isn't something everyone can do.


End file.
